Chronicles of a Jumping Arachnid

Why Does God Hate Me?

2006-11-23T12:11:00.000-08:00

Or, to be more accurate, why did Logan have to use me as bait for small time scum while he went and got the needed information? I shouldn't complain though. These low-life's were pretty weak, which meant that we were able to get information without actually risking our lives. That doesn't happen often.

The Wein Claremont warehouse? No problem. In return for the whole distraction thing, I swung ahead and lazed around in civilian dress till Logan got there, which took a while. I hadn't given him the right directions after all. Hehe...

Logan only grinned when he finally arrived though, and he wouldn't tell me why. "T'ain't yer business, Web-Head." was all he said.

"Fine." I retorted, "We have other problems to worry 'bout." I jerked my thumb toward the warehouse.

"Stealth mode or just bust'em up?" asked Logan.

"Whatever suits you best."

******

Naturally, tearing through the door with his claws is what suited Logan best. It wasn't too bad though. There were only four copies of me. One was the guy Logan had faced, one was still in "production" and the other two were failed versions who had never been let out of the building.

Naturally, they all attacked us at once. I almost wished they were actual clones, 'cause then they would have put up a decent fight. Logan went after the one who had stung him, and gave him a piece of his mind, er, claws... he took care of the first failed experiment too.

That left me with Still-in Production and Second-Failed-Try. Too easy. I gave the early experiment a taste of my real stingers, and webbed the unfinished on in place. Then I glocked him.

That left the scientist. He gave up quick. Logan went to interrogate him with some help from his claws, but I held him back.

"Just tell us who and why." I said.

Stuck with the smelly, hairy guy...

2006-11-16T14:29:00.000-08:00

Fury's been acting a little weird recently... Normally he wants to know everything that's going on, but when Logan and I went to see him, he practically shoved us out the door. Anyways, I made a routine check for tracking devices. My new and improved spider-sense should always be able to find these things, but it never hurts to check.

Another odd thing, they usually put at least three bugs on me. I usually let them, of course, but remove them immediately afterwards. This time, there were none. Very odd.

Logan and I stood on the street corner, thinking. I broke the silence:

"No bugs?"

"Naw..."

"Me neither... and it just occurred to me that we don't have a single lead for this chase. Think we should go back and check with Fury? No.. bad idea."

"No kiddin', he's way off t' deep end or somethin'."

Silence ensued.

I tried again, "Let's review everything that we know about these guys. I've brought a few in, the earlier ones were pretty weak. The polymer they use to imitate my webbing is close, but not the same stuff. The most recent one, the one you encountered, uses metal stingers.
It's funny that, knowing all of this, Fury suggested clones..."

"Yeh, I don't get it either, he's just been strange lately. Well, there's not much more I can add to all your info, except that the guy's poison works real well. That, and whoever can create all this stuff hasta' be have money."

"So, in short, we're looking for a rich bastard who likes copying superheroes..." I concluded. "As Angus would say: bloody perfect."

The End of a Party

2006-11-10T13:08:00.000-08:00

So MJ and I sat and watched all the fun. We watched Justice get swept off her feet, and Hotstuff too. Angus lost and regained his girlfriend, and several fights broke out in the meantime. The joys of partying with meta-humans.

At the end of it all, even after Wolfgang had finished cleaning, and Pan and Angus went to their respective homes, we sat in a corner and talked. It felt good.

MJ was feeling romantic. "Wasn't it great to see all those couples in love?"

I laughed, "And some not so in love. But yeah, some were fun to watch, even inspirational. Like that Romanova chick and fury, Justice and the party crasher, even Scott and Carol."

MJ smiled slyly, "Danny and Remy..."

I jerked involuntarily and she laughed. After a moment, I chuckled as well. "Yeah, it was good to see them all."

"You know what though, Honey?" I asked, "Logan told me there was some kind of fake Spiderman running around. What's that about?"

There was no response. I looked down at MJ. She was asleep.

"It doesn't matter now." I whispered softly, "it's all good."

I picked up MJ, and carried her home.

The Invitation

2006-10-31T13:08:00.000-08:00

Well, I finally got the invitations printed up. Post them on your blog if you're coming to the party!

I'm Back, Baby! Come to My Party!

2006-10-22T17:43:00.000-07:00

The vacation was great. Aunt May shopped and cooked. MJ and I made up for lost time. We went to the beach. The fact that Angus owns the hotel we stayed in made for a nice side benefit. I was wondering how a kid like him keeps all this stuff he owns going anyway, so I looked into it.

Turns out that David Carson (Angus' late father's lawyer) runs it for him, but all the proceeds go to Angus. All of them... Carson ain't cheating, I looked into it. Anyways, with the business taken care of till he's old enough, Angus can roam happy and free, chase super villains, etc.

Anyways, they finally announced the official end of the war. I called Angus at the X-Mansion and we talked about celebrating. Then, it came to Angus like a bright ray of sunshine:

"I be going to invite everyone to the party."

"Everyone who?"

"Everyone... I mean, all of the superheroes involved in the Civil War. Maybe even some villains, if they promise not to fight."

"Eh, I'm not so sure about the villains part, but I think it's a great idea." I replied, "We'd have to hire people though... you know, to help?"

"Ya mean a decorator, a caterer, a DJ, and a live band."

"Yeah, you would know all about that, I guess. You must have been to quite a few parties with yo..."

Oops.

"Ya do na' have to worry about mentioning me father. Being here at the X-Mansion has healed me in more ways than one."

"Yeah, okay."

A few pleasantries, and the call was over. "Healed in more way than one?" I wonder what he meat by that.

Vacation

2006-10-17T16:04:00.000-07:00

With all my old bad guys in jail, the Civil War basically over, and Kingpin recovering from a public hell-wedgie session, I have decided to take a vacation. You will not be left alone, however. Fade will be giving you periodic updates from the X-Mansion while MJ, Aunt May and I go to Hawaii.

Also, there's been a Spiderman wannabe running aroud: go laugh at him.

Hammerhead

2006-10-12T11:39:00.000-07:00

He aimed his piece at me.

"Kingpin said you'd be coming."

I jumped to avoid the first volley of bullets. "A double cross. The Oh-So-Original double cross. Sometime I oughtta double cross someone just to see if it's as fun as it looks."

Now, I could have just up and left. I could have given Wilson Fisk a hundred wedgies, then gone home to spend time with the wife. But with great power must come trying to keep your word even when you've been double crossed and there are people shooting at you.

Life sucks. It's also complicated. But every now and then, there's a relatively simple solution to your current problem, if you look hard enough.

I covered all of Hammerhead's men in webs till they couldn't move an inch. Then I pulled Hammerhead's gun from his hand, wrapped him in a ball of webbing, and gave him quick transport to the Vault.

I was in a bad mood, so I threw him over the wall, instead of leaving him at the gate. He'll survive it.

******

"Well I kept my word (even though you tried that low little trick) and now I want my pay."

Wilson Fisk smiled, and took another bite of his lunch.

"And by the way," I continued, "You are never gonna lose weight if you keep eating like that."

This time he scowled. "Look, I admit, it would have been more convenient if Hammerhead had offed ya, but I am a man of my word. Consider SHIELD as one less thing to worry about, though sources say the war is over already..."

Damn.

******

"I made a stupid mistake, you know." I confessed.

Angus was lying on a bed in the infirmary in the X-Mansion. "Me too." was all he said.

"Well let's see if you can top mine." I said. "I made a deal with the Kingpin. I threw one of his (criminal) enemies in jail, in return for getting SHIELD off my back. It's not technically wrong, but I still feel stupid. He warned Hammerhead I was coming. I beat the guy anyway, but it turned out I didn't need to. The war is over."

He sat up, with some effort. "Well I can top it. Pan and I were attacked. They had her down, threatened to kill her. I lost control. I made them feel pain, like I did with Ock. I enjoyed it. Then I killed three of them."

My jaw dropped, and I sat back in my chair heavily. "Wow."

"Look, I know how ya feel about killing people. I canna' say it was completely an accident, so..."

"Say no more." I sighed. "You just have to get better control of yourself. And if you can't, well, Wolverine kills people too. As long as it makes you feel bad, there's hope for you."

We both smiled in a sad way. I cleared my throat. "Anyways, you can tell me all about who those people were, and why you killed them later. I'm gonna check with Beast as to your condition."

******

"Peter Parker, it's good to see you again."

"I could say the same, Hank." The Beast and I had some pretty interesting scientific discussions in the past.

flashback

Me: Storm is hot.

Beast: True, but she's sensitive. My favorite is Jean Grey...

Me: Talk about sensitive, Jean Grey goes homicidal whenever Scott pisses her off.

/flashback

"So how's Angus?" I asked.

"He's doing very well, actually. You could say that whatever keeps him alive and gives him his powers also makes him very hard to kill. The bullets only entered his body partway.

"Unfortunately, his recovery abilities seem to be slower than most people's. I would like to keep him here for his recovery, if that's alright with you. The only issue is, he wants to get back to crime fighting yesterday."

"Tell him that he's to stay here until he has completely recovered. I'll manage New York without him until that time."

I just hope he doesn't get into too much trouble here.

SHEILD's After Me...

2006-10-09T17:45:00.000-07:00

No, I really mean it this time. Well, they didn't bother me for a couple of days. During that relative time of peace and quiet, Pan showed up. Just popped into our apartment, and scared MJ half to death. She said she had come for some of Angus' clothing and his uniform because they were in Ireland.

Now if I had been with Angus, I might have said something about that, but then again, I did similar stuff when I was his age, so who am I to judge? Besides, I have enough trouble with SHIELD.

I had two options... deal with them myself, or let Aunt May do the talking. Never mind the second option... they'd make Aunt May register. So I decided to handle it directly and honestly. I made another visit to the Kingpin.

******

It was the late evening, and Wilson Fisk was sitting on his bed. If I didn't know better, I'd say he was meditating. It was the perfect time to interrupt him, except for the fact that he was only wearing boxers.

I jumped in the window. "Hi Herman!"

Fisk looked up. "So, you've finally come for me. I'll not go easy."

"Hold on to your smiley-face britches, Honey. It's not what you think."

Wilson wasn't listening. He plowed his fist into the wall where I had just been standing. He roared, pulled his fist out of the wall, and charged me. I dodged, easily.

"Alright, Wide Load, let's talk." I jumped over his head, and landed behind him. Before he could turn, I grabbed his boxers, and pulled them upwards... hard. The Kingpin screamed, "What the HELL?!"

I backed off. "You're right... my God, I just gave the Kingpin a wedgie. This is gonna haunt me."

Wilson sat on the bed, dejected. "Look, you've humiliated me. If your not gonna kill me, leave."

I san on the windowsill across from him. "Actually, Willy, I wanted to ask for a favor before you started trying to kick my touchas."

"A FAVOR?!" he shouted. "You..."

"Calm yourself, Willy boy, it's mutually beneficial."

He looked doubtful.

"Allow me to explain myself. I see you have my uber awesome wanted poster."

"Oh it's about that, is it? Heh." The Kingpin started to pull some clothes on.

"That's what I like to see. A fat guy like you shouldn't go half naked in public."

"It's my house."

"My bad. Look, I want SHEILD off my rear end. In return, I'll throw one of your enemies in jail, provided he/she is actually a criminal."

Fisk's jaw dropped. Then he smiled slyly. "Look, even if I could help you, I wouldn't."

"Wrong. I know you, Willy. I'd bet my life that you have a finger in SHIELD's pie. And you will help me."

"Or what?"

"I'll give you the wedgie from hell at your next public speach."

He thought for a moment. "What makes you make a deal like this anyway? Aren't you making a 'deal with the devil', so to speak?"

"Well, yeah, but I won't have to register with you. So who who am I gonna toss into the clink for ya?"

*******

I thought Hammerhead was dead several times over. Oh well, that's life these days.

"It's gonna be easy," I told myself, "get in, web Hammerhead, drag him to the Vault, go home and spend time with MJ. What could go wrong?"

How about tons of men with massive firepower, hammer head at the front. Aimed his piece at me.

"Kingpin said you'd be coming."

Just Perfect...

2006-10-06T13:36:00.000-07:00

Alright, I admit, I'm the one who told Angus to scram. I mean, how is he supposed to live this life if he doesn't know why he's living it? And if all hell breaks loose while he's gone... too bad for me.

"Too bad indeed." I thought, as I dodged another blast from Electro. All my friends were out. All of them. Rhino, Electro, Sandman, Mysterio, Puma, the works... Kingpin's gone all out this time. He knows I'll show.

"At least Ock is still in the Vault." I thought as Puma let out a snarl and threw a roundhouse kick at me. I ducked, popped a stinger and jabbed him with it. One down. Spidersense.

I jumped straight up, and Rhino charged under me. Mysterio threw himself out of the way. "Watch it you moron!

Sandman sent an all-out sandblast, which I dodged. Mysterio, back on his feet, began using some of his wierd equipment to throw huge rocks at me. The good thing is, his equipent is fragile, so the barrage soon stopped.

"Would somebody put the TV on Comedy Central?" I asked, "I'm bored of playing already."

This time, nearly all of the badguys had to jump sideways when Rhino charged me. I threw ahuge glob of webbing at one of his feet, and he tripped. He slid forward toward me, and I jumped on his back. I busted open the compartment on his back, and snatched the power cell.

Two down. "Hey, catch!" I yelled to Electro, and threw the power cell at him. True to his inherent genius , he zapped it instead of catching it. The reslting explosion took him down, and Mysterio as well.

Sandman was injured, but still had enough energy to turn hismelf into a whirling sandstorm. Doing this, he began to hold me down, and cut off my air supply. I shot out a webline, and zipped over to the nearest wall. I ran down the street to the nearest fire hidrant.

I don't know how many times I've pulled this trick, but it works every time. He came flying after me, and I busted the fire hydrant. I guided the water toward him, and he went down easy. After that, it was just a bunch of easy goons.

******

I left all the villians in front of the Vault with notes attached. I changed my clother and dropped my pictures off at the Bugle.

Jonah was sitting at his desk, chuckling softly. "This can't be good." I thought.

Jonah looked up and pointed at a poster on the wall. "Best news ever, kid. Just like Christmas."

Damn.

Dinner with the Kingpin

2006-10-02T15:43:00.000-07:00

I slid my mask partway up my face, and took a sip of wine. Angus was beside me in human form, but kept his face well hidden in his hood. He had a mouthful of roast boar, and the evening's Bugle in his hands. The headline read: FAKE SHIELD AGENTS UNMASKED.

The “fake SHIELD agents” were the guys Aunt May brought down. Angus and I had delivered them, well webbed, to the police. We destroyed all the power dampeners except one, but I'll tell you about that later.

Across the table from us was Wilson Fisk, the Kingpin, and the guy who sent wolves dressed in SHIELD's clothing. He took another bite of some kind of pasta which I can't even pronounce the name of, much less write, and raised an eyebrow.

“So, Fade, what's your favorite part of the newspaper?” he asked.

“The comics always be the best, but the headline comes in a close second on this one. What made ya think that idea would work anyway?”

“Oh, well, I've sent plenty of meta humans after Spiderman, and that never worked. I thought I'd try a different tack. I didn't count on you guys hating SHIELD that bad.” They obviously hadn't told him exactly how his goons were brought down.

“We don't hate them, we're just not friendly.” I replied.

The Kingpin looked straight at me. “I wouldn't have done what I did if I hadn't heard otherwise.”

Angus made a growling sound. He does that a lot, these days. “We do na' like the thought of bein' owned, like trained mutts.”

Wilson Fisk went back to his food. “That's hardly surprising, considering how many times I've tried to buy you, Spiderman. Here's what I propose, (though I don't expect you to accept): I don't want to buy you. I want you to stay out of my affairs.”

“Sure,” I said. “In fact, here's some of Aunt May's cookies to confirm the deal.” I pulled out a package of cookies.

If the crime lord were in any way surprised, he didn't show it. He simply took two cookies, ate them both at once and said, “Let me get this straight, I try to take you down, then offer you a deal. You not only accept, which goes against everything I know about you, but you even give me cookies. I'll never understand you heroes.”

Angus turned Fade, and got up to leave. “All ya need to understand, Slime Ball, is that revenge comes in all shapes and sizes.”

I silently webbed Wilson's feet to the floor, and then got up as well. “Well I understand that you have some goons to bail outta the clink. So long.”

Fisk shoved another cookie in his mouth and shook his head. Angus and I walked toward the windows. Everybody around pretended not to notice us, or the fact that we had been eating with the Kingpin. After all, he owns this restaurant.

We heard a yell behind us, followed by violent coughing and breaking furniture.. We took off at a run, jumped through an opening, set course for Clover Heights.

******

Clover Heights is the name of the building we live in. Not long after moving in, we found out that Angus owned not only the whole building, but all the buildings in the surrounding district. Douglas Reilly had left quite a living for his son between the gazillions in the bank, and the rent brought in from the people in the various buildings. We keep life simple though. MJ goes shopping, Aunt May manages the cash, and Angus and I fight crime.

After our dinner with the Kingpin, things had been pretty quiet around town so we headed toward an empty warehouse that Angus owns. I brought the power dampener I had saved with me.

Once inside, I set up the device on the ceiling. “Okay, Angus, I'm doing one last test on you.”

Angus shrugged and stepped forward. First, I stood under the power dampener, while it was turned off. I took some concrete blocks from a corner of the building, and broke them with my hands. Then I took the pieces that were left and crushed them into powder.

“Angus, turn it on.”

Angus jumped to the ceiling, and activated the device. The blocks felt a lot heavier, and I could only break them by throwing them to the ground.

I walked away from the device's area of effect, jumped up beside Angus, and turned it off.

“Your turn.”

Angus placed himself where I had been. He sat down, and began crushing whole concrete blocks. I turned on the power dampener, and he kept doing it. I jumped down, and we began to wrestle. He threw me easily.

Angus jumped up, and punched the power dampener. “How come it does na' work on me?”

“Probably the same reason lab tests never revealed anything about what you are.”

“What are ya thinkin'?”

“I think we need to see Doctor Strange tomorrow.”

I mean, who else knows magic like he does?

No Good Hoodlums

2006-09-30T10:46:00.000-07:00

The lot of them. I'll tell you, this is exactly why us old-timers need to be around. If I hadn't been there so many times, Peter would be dead. If I hadn't been home today, Peter and Angus, those dear boys, would be cooling their heels in jail by now. Lucky them.

Peter and Angus were out after Rhino and Electro. Mary Jane went shopping. She asked if I wanted to come along, but I said I had a headache. The truth is, whenever I go shopping with her, she tries to get me into the most ridiculous outfits. I'm not really into those modern designs, you know.

Now about half an hour after my niece (well, that's what I call her) had left, there was a knock on the door. Wait, let me rephrase that. It sounded like all hell itself was trying to break down the door of my home. And I had been just about to make cookies...

“I'll show them hell.” I muttered, and opened the door.

There were ten young hoodlums standing there, and I set about giving them a piece of my mind.

“Just what do you think you're doing? This is my home, and I won't have you battering down my door like you own the place. What do you want?”

The smallest of the brigands stepped forward. I realized, a moment later, that he was actually a she. You can hardly tell these days.

“Listen, Ma'am,” she said, showing me a badge, “we're SHIELD. That means we basically do own the place.”

I grabbed her shoulder, where the muscle met the neck. “Listen young lady, (if that's what you are) you're out of your league here. I may be old, but I'll have no disrespect. Do you hear me?”

A couple of her friends stepped forward but she told them to stop, and I let her go. She straightened her uniform before replying further.

“I'm sorry, Ma'am. It's just that we are here looking for two metahumans who have refused to comply with the registration act. They are commonly known as Spiderman and Fade. Our intel says they live here.”

Oh God, I hate to lie. “I'm sorry, dear, but they don't. I live here with my nephew, his wife, and their foster child, and I don't know about any super-people.”

She smiled, “Of course, Ma'am. But if it's all the same to you, we'd like to have a talk with the other people who live here.”

“Well you can't. I'm alone here right now.”

“Then may we wait for them here?”

“Well, I suppose it couldn't hurt. I was just about to make some cookies.”

I swung the door open and let them come inside.

******

All ten of the visitors were seated around the living room. The perfect time to bring out the cookies.

The young lady in charge said to me, “Thanks for putting up with us. Please call me Stacey.”

Acting like my friend now. Hmmph.

“It's alright dear. It actually kind of reminds me of the family reunions we used to have. Cookies anyone?”

All agreed, so I went around with the cookies, and they each took a few. I went back to the kitchen for more. “I hope this works,” I thought. I returned to the living room, and there were no cookies left. Excellent.

“Would you like any more, Stacey? Or would you like to let the first ones go down?”

Stacey smiled, and reached for another one. Then a look of horror crossed her face. She turned red, and began coughing violently. I looked at the others, and they were beginning to do the same, one by one.

“Well dearies,” I said, smiling wickedly, “this'll teach you not to barge where you're not wanted.”

I walked over to Stacey and boxed her ears. She slumped to the floor. Then I took the broom out from where I had hidden it behind the curtain, and beat all of them senseless.

Just then, Mary Jane walked in and saw the SHIELD agents.

“Aunt May! Are you alright?”

“Just fine dear. Come see our guests.”

I Hate Ock

2006-09-21T15:00:00.000-07:00

Continued from here.

I really do. Now, there are villains which I consider more dangerous, but Ock has always been a real pain in the rear, particularly because he knows who I am. The real reason we started by going after him, though, was the simple convenience of it.

You see, Otto Octavius has a real overconfidence problem. Ok, so nearly all bad guys have that, but the better ones usually keep their secret bases secret. Not so with the good Doc. He likes “luring me into his traps”. Idiot. You'd think they all would have learned by now.

During my time as Spiderman, I had managed to get an informant or two on the other side of the law, so it didn't take me long to find him. As usual, he was in a warehouse. And whaddaya know, but his warehouse was located near the docks. He's a creature of habit.

Angus remarked on this, so I explained, “That's is just about his only flaw. On the whole he's actually pretty smart. I mean, you don't become a nuclear physicist by being otherwise.”

I swung and Angus ran. He really likes taking free falls from skyscrapers and catching himself on the walls before he goes splat. Pretty soon, I had to tell him to hurry up, or we'd never get there.

******

“Where can they get all these lowlifes from?” asked Angus, “The place is crawling with them.”

“This is New York. You'll get used to it.”

We slunk around and found a way to get into the warehouse quietly. We saw through some glass that Ock was just in the next room. I pulled Angus down for a quick conference.

“I don't want to fight goons and Ock at the same time, but I don't want to give the guy with the arms any warning, either. Do you think you can handle the small scum, and I'll take the big scum?”

“Fine.” whispered Angus.

He left, and I walked quietly into the room where Doctor Otto Octavius was working on some new experiment.

“I told you I wanted to be left alone.” he said calmly, without looking behind him, where I was. I could have glocked him then, and he never would have known what hit him, but where's the fun in that?

“Whatcha working on now, Ock? Blowing up the city again?”

“Spiderman, not again!” he roared, and that was the last of the talking.

He had gotten better. His arms were faster and stronger, and it seemed he had learned from the past after all, 'cause my regular tricks weren't working. He threw a barrel at me. I caught it with a web and slung it back at him. He caught it with one of his cyber arms, then threw three barrels at me at once.

I dodged two of them, but the third one caught me in the chest and threw me back. Ock came fast, but I zipped up to the ceiling, and webbed all of his cyber arms to the floor. I swung my self at him, but he ripped one cyber arm free and I had to dodge mid-swing.

I managed to kick his shoulder anyway, but that wasn't stopping him. Before I could come out of my messed-up swing, he grabbed me and flung me to other side of the room. I slammed into the wall hard.

I stalled for time, “Dammit, Ock, what did you do with the arms?”

He didn't listen. I thought I was dead till Angus jumped in front of me.

“Ya be askin' for trouble, squid man.”

Ock just stood shocked for a moment. “Another one? Never mind, if I can kill Spiderman, I can kill you.”

Angus backed up to me, where I was lying against the wall and grabbed my arm. When Ock threw his cyber arms forward, Angus threw me to one side, and jumped to the other. Ocks arms were stuck in the wall and I took advantage. I webbed his eyes shut.

Angus threw himself at Ock, but even with his eyes webbed, he had been expecting something like this. He ripped his cyber arms out of the wall, and threw Angus toward the ceiling, while ripping the webs from his eyes.

What he didn't expect was to see Angus run across the ceiling towards him again. This time, Angus fit him with his full force and they both flew across the room.

I had recovered somewhat and rushed toward them, but it was over before I got there. Doctor Octopus, my biggest pain in the rear besides the Green Goblin, started screaming “I want my MOMMYYYY!” Then he curled up on the floor and began sobbing.

Angus stood up and, after a moment's hesitation, slammed his fist into Ock's head.

“K.O.” I breathed, “What happened there?”

“I'll try to explain it later.

******

I was sitting in J. Jonah Jameson's office at the Bugle.

“You were gone a damn long time, Peter. But this is your best work yet. You haven't lost your job.”

I figured it wasn't time to talk about a raise... not like I need one now. On the desk were pictures of Angus and I fighting Ock. Then there was a few of Ock lying in front of The Vault, encased in webs, and still crying for mommy.

“What's this thing called?” He asked, pointing to Angus.

“I talked to Spidey, and he doesn't exactly have a name yet, perhaps you should wait 'til he gets on before...”

“His name is Fade.” Jonah replied gruffly.

“Whaaa?”

“Look, he's all black, and dressed in black, so he kinda fades into the darkness. His name is Fade.”

I hope Angus isn't too pissed about it.

“So anyway,” continued Jonah, “I don't know if we'll really be able to use this yet. I mean, so Spidey and Fade fought Doc Ock. What's the big deal?”

“Here's the big deal deal, Jonah. SHIELD hasn't done its job. The people who normally stop these guys are getting arrested, and the psychopaths are being let loose. If you ever wanted a story, you have one now.”

Jonah looked doubtful. Then he called his assistant in. “We've got tonight's cover story.”

******

Angus, MJ, Aunt May, and I looked at the headlines.

SHIELD FAILS
Is the Registration Act worth it?

I owe you one, Jonah.

Home Is Where the Food Is

2006-09-18T14:14:00.000-07:00

You may be wondering where MJ, Aunt May, Angus, and I have been this whole time... And then, maybe you haven't. Never mind. When I heard that Vegeta was inviting people from another reality over for dinner, I knew it was time to go. Not that I didn't like the company, though. Here's why we had to leave:

1. Not enough space at Capsule Corp
2. MJ was bored
3. Two Pans might have made Angus explode or something...

So we left, but not before Angus got his costume. I don't have a photo yet, but it's kinda kewl. It's black, with the shirt sleeves and pant legs loose and flowing, like a baggy karate uniform. You don't see an opening in the costume because the shirt and pants both tie at the waist, and some of the shirt material falls over it. Attached to the shirt is a hood, to conceal his... face? Anyway, it looks freaky\cool.

So the family, Angus and I took a plane back to New York. We just had one little hiccup when we got there. According to Angus, Gaia went insane and destroyed everything. Afterward, she put it all back to how she had found it. That means that when she put my apartment back together, it was still under construction.

Angus had a solution for that though.

"Ummm..." he said, "We could stay at me home."

"Right, your place should be in relatively good condition compared to mine. Wait, does this mean your father is alive again?"

He hung his head. "No. I have no idea why, but, me father wasn't restored to life. I called me father's attorney, and he says that they found his body in the alley behind our penthouse."

We all stood silent for a moment. Then MJ, walked away, "I'll call a cab." she said.

******

Now when Angus had said "penthouse" I wasn't sure what he had meant. The area of town I found him in is a place I get a lot of work as Spiderman. Turns out that when he said "penthouse" he really meant... a damn nice penthouse.

The building it was located in was dingy and miserable on the outside, and MJ couldn't help but turn up her nose. But she and Aunt May both gasped when they saw the inside. My mouth dropped.

"Is this a, like, a real Van Gogh?" , she asked, running over to a painting. It was. You couldn't swing your arms without hitting some genuinely expensive thing.

Angus just laughed. "I canna' believe that none of you put two and two together. Doesn't the name 'Douglas Reilly' mean anything to any of you? I told you me father was a boxer."

My jaw dropped again. "You mean the Douglas Reilly? The only guy since Rocky to never lose a fight in his heavyweight career?"

Angus nodded. "The same. Peter, you and MJ can take me father's room," He stopped for a second, then continued, "Aunt May, there's a guest room here which should be very comfortable. I'll take me old room."

He gave us a tour of the place, and we ordered dinner in, as there wasn't any food in the place.

******

That night, as I prepared for bed, MJ looked around at the pictures in what was once Douglas Reilly's room. About half the picture were of his long dead wife. The other half were of Angus.

"You care about him, don't you?" asked MJ.

"Well what can I say? I found him. I've fought alongside him. I'd like to keep helping him in any way I can."

"He's a totally good kid. What if we were to become, like, his legal guardians? His foster parents?"

I looked at MJ. "I thought of that, but this," I said, indicating the penthouse, "and who he is, gets in the way. He'd see us as people who only want his father's money."

"You never know. Maybe, like, his emotion sensing thingy would help him realise you are sincere. But let's not worry about that now."

MJ slid up close to me, and began kissing me. We started fumbling with our clothes and... I'll leave the rest to your imaginations.

Angus is Mad

2006-09-09T11:29:00.000-07:00

"They arrested her father!" Angus shouted into my face.

"Look," I yelled back, "do you think I'm happy about it? Ever since I found you, I've felt a strong responsibility towards you. I can't let you go against SHIELD."

"Why the bloody hell not?"

I sighed, and said more quietly. "What I meant to say was, 'I can't let you go against them alone.' They have metas on their side, plus unbelievable technology. They're a hell of a lot worse than those demons you keep saying we fought.
"Fact is, Angus, I'm worried about MJ and Aunt May too. SHIELD knows who I am. They could use them against me."

"I wouldna' be going alone." said Angus. "I'm sure I could get some other meta to help."

I turned away.

Angus continued, "Another thing me father used to say was that, 'No Irishman should have to ask permission to be what he was born to be."

I smiled, "Let's go be Irish then."

******

We stood outside SHIELD headquarters.

"You sure this is a good idea?" I asked Angus, who was all black again, and I was in my uniform. "Vegeta already gave SHIELD an ultimatum to release Gohan."

"And if they be smart, they be going to release him. We be going in to make it happen quicker, that's all."

We walked into the building. Everybody stopped to stare. A guard in a crazy looking suit of armor came up to us.

"What are ya' doing here?" he challenged.

"We're here to register." I said calmly.

Everybody looked around. "You wanna register?"

"That's what he be saying." said Angus irritably.

A woman in business dress walked up to us. "Please follow me. There will be some forms to sign. You will have to give your true identities, list your powers, and agree to do whatever you are told."

"Sure, whatever you say." I said.

******

"That was easy." I said, after we had trashed the forms and left the room quietly, taking to the walls and ceilings to avoid being seen by cameras.

"They be bloody idiots to leave us alone like that. Either they be stupid, or they be expecting us to do something like this."

"I hope it's that first thing. But let's worry about finding Gohan."

It's All Over

2006-09-02T13:43:00.000-07:00

The good news is, Angus and I aren't dead, and Gaia is back to normal. Let me tell you what heppened on my end.

Angus was doing quite well for a beginner. What he lacked in style, he made up for with strength and speed. He would chrage and smash through one goup of demons, then do a "Matrix jump" and charge through another one. I held my own, but instead of direct brawling, I would web whole groups of demons together, and any metas nearby with "blasting" powers would finish them off.

Near the end of it all, Angus, I, and Logan were all on a rooftop, fighting hand to had with the last of the demons.

Logan stopped. "LAURA!" he shouted. "I know yer here! I told yer ta stay home!"

A girl about Angus' age walked from behind a corner, popped two claws in each fist, and one in each foot. She slashed several demons as she made he way to us.

"You always make me stay home!" was her reply.

"And that's fer a good reason." he retorted as he pushed Laura to the side, and slashed a demon that had been about to attck her from behind.

A group of demons jumped on me and Logan, separating us from the two kids. We finished them off quickly, but when I turned, I saw a particularly large demon pushing Laura to the edge of the roof.

He began to push her over, but Angus jumped at him. In his "wierd" form, his fingers are stiffer than normal, and the tips are sharp like claws. he tore through the demon, and I shot out a webline to keep Laura from falling.

I missed.

Angus jumped off after her, and I came following after. I saw Angus reach her in mid-fall. He stuck his feet towrd the walls of the building, and wierdness of wierdnesses, they stuck. I caught myself on the walls just above them.

Angus was standing out from the wall horizontally, holding Laura. Her jaw dropped... and so did mine. Angus shook his head, and asked Laura. "Which floor be you going to?"

"Let's just get back to the roof", I said. Angus took a step forward, then began running. Running staright up a wall.

When we got back, Logan, in a berserker rage, had finished the rest of the nearby demons. I swung onto the roof top, and Angus came running up just behind me with Laura. He put her down, and she ran over to Logan.

"Thanks kid." said Logan, looking at Angus. Angus just sat down on the roof.

I looked around. It was over. Again. My home is doubly-totalled, and I really don't want to stay at the X-mansion again. Maybe Vegeta will let us stay at capsule corp.

Let's Go Out Fighting

2006-08-29T13:08:00.000-07:00

While I told my young Irish friend the story of how I found him, I watched him closely. The whole time, he stayed in human form, not even a hint of a transformation. When I finished he sat back.

"And you can't remember anything?" I asked.

He bent over and began muttering. "Come on now, you can remebber your name, at least your name. Come on now Angus, you can... THAT'S IT!"

"Angus?"

"Angus Reilly, that's me name." He said, calming down a little.

"Like everything else," said Bulma, "the amnesia seems to be related to stress. He seems to have gone through more than we might ever know."

Pan came over and sat beside Angus. "Angus," she gushed, "that's such a cute name."

Angus looked a little nervous beside her, but she didn't seem to notice. She was about to start up again, when we heard the TV in the next room. We went to see what was on the news. Another attack was coming.

"Gaia. " I said, as Bulma left to check on some experiments.

"Who?" asked Angus.

"An immensely powerful being with the ability to alter reality. She was good for a time, but something happened and she's turned homicidal in a planet-wide sense. She was responsible for all the big Zombie things that tore through New York."

"Are you going there?" Angus indicated the location shown on TV.

"I would If I could get there fast enough."

"I can transmit you." interrupted Pan, "Will you be okay here, Angus? Angus?"

He was concentrating intently. "I want to see if I can make it happen." was all he said. Pan stepped back, nervous. I stayed rooted to my spot. It happened but slower than when he was unconscious.

His veins turned black, then his skin. Soon he was the formless creature.

"I be coming with you."

"That's way too risky," I said. "We don't even know what you can do, or why."

He looked down, I think, and said, "I no be sure, but I feel stronger."

Pan said, "Follow me."

She took us to Vegeta's training room, where Angus tested his strength. He is at least three times stronger than me. Wow. I had one last objection though.

"You're untrained. Later, if you want to get into this hero stuff, I can help you..."

"You said she was responsible for my father's death." He looked staright at me. "We Irish fight before we be born. We come out of our mothers fighting. We grow up fighting. When grown, we fight till we die. If God comes to take us up, we stop for one last fight before we go. If Satan comes to take us down, we fight him all the way there."

He paused, "Don't ask where that came from, 'cause I have no idea."

Pan just looked at him adoringly. What can I say to that?

Intelligent Life

2006-08-22T17:05:00.000-07:00

Before I got my powers, MJ asked me this question out of the blue: "Pete, do you think there is intelligent life on other planets?"

I told her, "There isn't enough intelligent life on this planet to validate a claim like that."

For me, Kal-El doesn't count as "intelligent life". This Saiyan seems pretty smart though. Here's a recap:

"He has no ki."

" What's that?"

"Life energy, He's alive but he has no life energy, Like something else is keeping him alive."

"Got any idea of what it could be?"

"No. We should ask my wife."

I tell you, the guy is brilliant.

********

So Vegeta held onto me, I held on to the kid, and we flew to West City. "Are you sure it wouldn't have been easier (and less wierd), to bring your wife to us?" I asked.

"My wife is a scientist. It would be better if she examined the boy at the laboratory."

"Oh."

A smart guy, with a smart wife. I'm starting to like these people.

I put the Irish kid over my shoulder and we started walking toward a large building.

"Capsule Corp!" I sputtered, "Your wife works here?"

"She owns it."

"Wow..."

Just then a blue haired woman came running out. She ran up to Vegeta and they began kissing. I stood there for a second, then said, "Before you two get a room, could I have the keys to the lab? This kid needs help."

Vegeta scowled for a moment, but his wife pulled away from him.

"I'm sorry," she siad, stretching out her hand. I took it. "I'm Bulma, Vegeta's wife."

"I'm your friendly neighborhood Spiderman, but like I said, this kid needs help..."

"Ummm, what exactly is he?"

I looked at him. He was still unconscious, but he had reverted to his black, featureless form (shape?).

"Oh, that's been off and on. That's why we brought him here."

********

Having studied genetics quite a bit, I volunteered to work with Bulma in figuring out what was wrong with this kid. During the hours we spent testing the Irish kid, he shifted between his two forms at irregular times. It was especially irritating when it happened in the middle of a test.

Finally, we sat down for a break. Bulma went to make coffee. I sat down on the couch and put my head in my hands.

"You must be tired," she said when she returned.

"I haven't slept in three days. Let's review what we have so far. The kid isn't a mutant. In fact, his genetic patterns indicate that he is a completely normal human, even when he is all black and stuff. The transformation seems to be originally triggered by extreme stress, but has no scientifically explainable cause."

She giggled, "You're pretty smart for a guy who wears red and blue underwear."

I smiled under my mask. I was too tired to be offended.

Bulma got up, "Why don't you get some sleep in the guest room?"

"Thanks, but I'll sleep near the kid, I think."

"OK, that's probably a good idea, actually."

********

Somebody screamed and I woke up. I looked at the clock on the wall. I had slept for fifteen hours straight. I looked over at the kid. He was in his black form, backed against a wall.

"Where be I?" he asked. His voice was deeper than in his human form. Kinda like a lion's voice.

Before I could answer, he looked around, and caught sight of his own hand. He stared at it, then fainted again.

Oh boy...

Fade

2006-08-17T16:22:00.000-07:00

With help, I got MJ and Aunt May out of New York. Aunt May has some friends in the country. It should be safer there than anywhere else. Reconstruction for our apartment was underway, but Gaia has ended that. Looks like I'll be staying with the X-guys a bit longer, once this is all over.

I stuck to The Big Apple. The armored things were dead, but lots of innocents still needed help. I pulled a lot of people out of the rubble.I found Jonah Jameson half buried in broken cement. Sadly enough, he was still alive.

Mutants and metas all over New York came out to help the thousands of rescue workers. It was amazing to see everyone working to help each other. Even J. J. J. put aside his usual distrust of me and metas in general until everything was done.

I had nothing to do after that, I wandered around in a daze. So much waste. I hate myself for living at times like this.

After an hour or two of wandering, I saw a kid. He couldn't have been older than seventeen. He was digging furiously through rubble. And I mean furiously. I swung down, and walked up to him. He didn't pay attention.

"Hey."

He just kept digging.

"Want help?"

He just kept digging.

"I hate to break it to you, but whoever was down there is probably dead."

He growled, threw one of the rocks at me. I dodged.

"Whoa man, what's your problem?"

He stopped digging.

"I'm looking for my father." He replied with an Irish accent.

He didn't need to say more. I joined in the digging, I dealt with the big rocks, and he did the rest. He worked like a maniac, and didn't say anything more to me. After an hour, we found his father's body.

I put a hand on his shoulder. He knelt down, and screamed. I didn't say anything at first, but then I saw his veins turn black.

"Man, what's wrong?" I asked. He kept screaming. I stood there helpless as his skin turned entirely black, and began to give off a metallic shine. His fingers got longer, and the tips sharpened into claws.

My mouth dropped. His eyes, ears, mouth, nose and other protrusions melted into the rest of his body, until he kind of looked like me in my costume, only all black and shiny. Then he stopped screaming, doubled over, and fainted. Though it was hard to tell when he fainted, since he had no visible eyes and all.

Help.

Big Metal Trouble

2006-08-11T23:04:00.000-07:00

Being seduced by Magdalena was marginally fun. I say marginally 'cause the thoughts of what MJ would do to me kinda ruined it all. Anyways, the three of us made a beeline for the X-Mansion, and what did I find? Big metal Russian trouble.

"It is dat Spiderman!" yelled Colossus, then he came running at me. I, of course, reacted with my customary intelligence. I sidestepped, and shot of a webline, tripping Colossus. He bagan to get up muttering. Vegeta was about to come to my aid when Kitty got between me and Colossus.

She began jabbering on in Russian. She must have picked it up from the metal man. Vegeta and I just stood there, while Kitty cried, pouted, begged. Finally she and Colossus were kissing.

I turned, and Vegeta followed. "Those two should get a room."

"What was all that about?" asked the Saiyan.

So I told him the whole story.

"I dunno what I'm gonna do about MJ, though." I told him. "Got any ideas?"

"Don't ask me. I'll never understand my Bulma."

Just then, MJ came running out. She flung herself at me, and to my surprise, just hugged me.

"Oh, it's alright." She said, laughing at my hesitation. "Kitty explained everything."

I looked at Vegeta. He just shook his head.

"Explained what?" I asked.

"Oh, she, like, never told you? She was totally just trying to remind the metal-head of what he had and..."

She never got to finish. Those big armored things came marching in, and as I wasn't incredibly effective against them, I rounded up civilians to help them escape.

Why are the big metal things always after me?

Die, Die, DIE!

2006-08-08T20:33:00.000-07:00

This is all too wierd. Unfortunately, I don't have a lot of time to think about it. This whole Anti business is killing me... literally.

I usually find attacking preferable to defending, so that's what I did. I charged straight at my Anti. Just when I reached her, I popped my right arm-stinger, and dove to her right. As expected, she sidestepped, but by that time, I had already shot a web from my left arm, and was swinging straight into her, stinger at ready.

Like she's done every time we have fought, she simply divided her self and I only hit air. The two separate masses of spiders reconnected, and she spun around and grabbed me from behind.

"My turn." was all she said. She then threw me through a wall. Outside the "office", there were bodies everywhere, but no Storm or Kitty. Great, they leave just when I need the help. My Anti came at me again, but I dodged and made my way to the roof of the building.

She grabbed me again, slammed me on the ground, and had a fist raised when I heard the most beautiful thing in my life, aside from MJ.

"Galick Gun!"

There was a flash of purple, and my Anti was thrown off me. I saw a guy with really bad hair and a hot chick in armor.

The Anti got back up, and jumped on me again. I kicked, throwing her toward Funny Hair. The chick in armor swung a cool-looking spear at my Anti, but she just divided again. She wasn't in time to dodge a punch from Funny Hair, which threw her back quite a ways. The guy must be strong.

I used my webs sort of like bungee cords, and threw myself at her. As my Anti was still recovering from Funny Hair's punch, I caught her off guard and smashed into her. That pissed her off.

She picked me up, and threw me into the Armor Chick. While I was happily, I mean, hopelessly tangled. My Anti ran towards Funny Hair. He fired what looked like a green laser at her but she dodged. She slammed into him, sending him flying, then she turned back to me.

My Anti seemed like her power was wearing down. If that was true, it had not worn down much. Armor Chick, whose name I learned was Magdalena during our entanglement, stepped forward to meet my Anti. I saw Magdalena's spear start to glow, and she said, "Holy Light".

My Anti paused, and seemed a little confused. I spun a web around her, swung her around, and threw her off the rooftop. She crashed through the glass of another building, and I followed. She was leaving a trail of dying spiders, which made it easy to follow her around. I found her in a large hall full of chemical vats.

My spider sense went wild, and she stepped out from behind one of the vats. She appeared to have recovered. Just then, one of the vats toppled near us, and I jumped. My Anti wasn't so lucky though, and was soon engulfed in chemicals.

All I saw was a mass of liquid and dead spiders. I turned to Funny Hair.

"Thanks man, I owe you one."

"Hmmph, whatever. It was an interesting battle."

I was about to reply when Magdalena came running in.

"It's dead, isn't it?" she asked, motioning to the spiders on the floor. Without waiting for an answer, she continued, "We have to warn the X-men."

"Warn them about what?" I asked. Magdalena motioned for me to come over to the window. I saw these guys:

"Ok," I said, "let's go. But I wanna see what's in these vats first."

I ran over to the one that was toppled over. Looks like I owe Die, Bugs, DIE! an endorsement deal.

Young Scoundrels

2006-08-06T20:09:00.000-07:00

I'm usually not one for young people's parties these days, but I knew that I had to see what that Elixir boy was up to. Who put him in charge of the party anyway? Well, I do have to say that the musical selection was decidedly better, as far as music goes these days.

Something funny happened while I was down there, though. I could have sworn I saw two children standing by the beer. The next moment Elixir was alone holding a beer to his mouth, standing next to a strange pile of cloth on the floor. He lowered the beer can and was standing there looking confused when I reached him.

"Young man," I scolded, "you're in trouble."

"But I..."

"No buts, put that beer down and come over here."

He came over to me looking quite scared, which was good. I put my hands softly on his shoulders, and he calmed down a little. Then I boxed his ears. If the ringing stops within a week, then I've lost my touch.

I looked around to see if there were anymore children, but I could see none, so I went on my way. I climbed the stairs and was walking to my room when I saw Mary Jane with Warren. They were looking at some blowguns. I caught her eye, gave her a warning look, and went on my way.

I finally got into my room, and was just about to settle down, when I heard a BAMF! I screamed.

"I am so sorry, I staaaartled you. I'm juuust heere to tell you of my loove for youuuuu..." [hic]

He came nearer so I grabbed my handbag and swung it at his head. He fell and it took me some time to drag him out of my room.

Young people.

But if that wasn't outrageous enough, they didn't clean up. I came down this morning, and the hall was a disaster. Needless to say, I cleaned the whole thing myself.

But if they think I'm going to touch any of the rubble and bodies outside, they can eat my handbag.

My Night Out With Carol

2006-08-05T16:04:00.000-07:00

"Come on get on the dance floor." said Carol.

"I couldn't."

I thought for a moment, then realised just how'd I'd been acting. It's so not me.

"What am I saying?" I smiled, "Of course I can. I'm sorry, Carol, I'm such a drama queen sometimes." [giggle]

Carol just stood there looking confused. She does that a lot around me.

"Umm, okay." she said.

Anyways, I made a beeline for the dance floor, grabbed a drink, and went wild. I danced with every one of the Marines.

There was this gorgeous guy, Tim. He was soooooo charming. I was half drunk, and I still am, but when he tried to kiss me, I slugged him so hard he fell into another dancing couple. [hic] [giggle] Did I mention that I'm drunk? Anyways he was shocked. The next thing he said was, "Where did you learn to hit so hard?"

"I, like, took classes.", I said, "You know, once I had to totally face off against the Chameleon until my..."

"Let's go." said Carol, grabbing me by the arm, "You've had too much to drink, I should get you home." Turning to Tim she said, "I'm sorry about that." She was so bossy, but when I get sober, I'll probably thank her, but not before then.

She told me, "I'm actually kind of glad that you did that."

I told her, "Peter might be running aound with that skank, but I'm not going to be like that."

"I'm going to look into that.", she replied, "It doesn't seem like it's Peter's fault, but this is highly unusual for Kitty as well."

"Whatever."

I, like, dragged myself up here to post this. [hic]

Did I mention that I'm drunk?

A Strange Mission

2006-08-04T14:32:00.000-07:00

I have good news and bad news.

Good news (sort of): Kitty has been completely ignoring me.

Bad news: So has Storm.

I'm glad that my former girlfriend hasn't tried anything beyond kissing me in front of my wife and her big metal boyfriend, but I wish I could get either of them to listen to me. Hmmmm... maybe I should start from the beginning:

The ride to Doctor Strange's mansion was pretty uneventful. No big bad guys, no squabbles. Nothing, actually, besides a smooth ride. I was still nervous after my companions' recent "behavior". With the plane in stealth mode, we landed on deserted building some ways away from the mansion, and then finished the journey on foot, wearing street clothes to avoid detection.

We rang, and Wong opened the door.

"Mister Parker," he said with a smile, "I'm glad to see you here at the door, instead of crashing through the window."

I smiled too, "I was sixteen, then Wong, and completely clueless. I've gotten smarter since then."

Kitty giggled, and Storm snorted in disbelief. Embarrassing.

Wong raised an eyebrow, "And the ladies are... ?"

Storm stepped forward, "I am Ororo Munroe, and this is Kitty Pride."

"And what business do Spiderman and two of the X-men have here?"

Storm stepped closer, "That's none of your business. We're..."

It was my turn to step in. "Storm, please. That's not necessary. Wong, we need to see Doctor Strange. Tell him that it's about a 'strong correctional force'. He'll see us."

"Come into the reception room, please."

Wong led us into a comfortably furnished room, turned on the TV and left. On the news, the announcer was saying, "The crime rate in New York has increased approximately fifty-eight percent since the apparent disappearance of Spiderman. Sources say that criminals are less fearful of being caught, now that the web-sligner is no longer on the streets."

Perfect. On the coffee table was today's Bugle. The headline read, "SPIDERMAN A COWARD".

Storm came up behind me. "People are dying, and you're out here on this foolish mission?"

"More people will die if I don't destoy my Anti."

"Whatever. I actually came over to say that if you ever interrupt me again, you chauvinistic worm, I'll fry you dead."

With that, she turned on her heel, walked to the other side of the room, and sat on a couch. Kitty was staring at me with a worried look. Storm may be powerful, and I do need her help, but this is going to stop.

Just then, Wong returned. "He will see you now. You ladies may wait here. Peter, please follow me."

Doctor Strange is, well, strange. Seriously, that cape has got to go. He was sitting at a table in front of various magical objects.

I cleared my throat, "Hey Doc, I need a little favour. You know that Antithesis thing I've been running into? I need to find her.. it.. you know?"

He sighed, "I knew you would ask for my help in this one day, and I'm glad you have help. I've been watching this being, and I'm afraid she's only gotten stronger."

"Great, but where can I find... her?"

He looked into his crystal ball, then started writing on a scrap of paper. "Here is the address, it's right in New York. That's the good news."

"And the bad is?", I thought.

"Unfortunately", he continued, "it's also HYDRA's current headquarters."

"Figures. My life is dominated by Murphy's law."

******

Kitty said she wanted to wait until the next day, but I knew I had to end it now. Storm was indifferent. So what else is new? We took a taxi to the address Strange had given me.

"Do you have a plan?" Storm asked? It sounded funny coming from her...

"What if we take the building from three different sides?" Kitty suggested.

"No, we're better as a team. These guys are trained." I said. "I was actually thinking of what nobody else would try, and that is the front door."

"This isn't the Matrix." Storm snorted impatiently. I'd had it.

"Got a better plan, you're highness?"

She glared at me at me, but I didn't give her a chance to talk. I walked straight up to the front door of the building. We were all in uniform, so the goon who answered looked kinda shocked. Good thing, I guess.

"Hi", I said, "we're looking for the HYDRA boss, and a human shaped mass of spiders. Have you seen them?"

He overcame his shock and pulled out a gun, but Kitty was already behind him. With him quickly out of the way, we began fighting our way through the building. Oddly, no one deserted. Instead, HYDRA goons came at us in waves. They're stupid, but not usually that stupid.

It took us time, but we worked our way to the core of the building. Storm threw wind and lightning, Kitty moved through the waves of men, knocking them out. And me? To borrow a phrase from Logan, I did what I do best. My stingers really came in handy.

Finally, we were close to the core of it all. Kitty slipped through the walls to do some recon first and then came back.

"There's a concentration of men around the "offices", if you want to call them that. The men are heavily armed, and I'm betting your bad thing is inside."

"Ok, I need you and Storm to create a diversion. I'm going to make a beeline for the offices to deal with my Anti."

Unfortunately, the fighting had worked Storm into a frenzy.

"You will not leave us, you sniveling coward," she shouted, "We will not..."

I interrupted with my customary eloquence: "SHUT UP!"

Storm's eyes lit up with sparks when some of the afore-mentioned heavily armed men came running at the disturbance.

"HAIL HYDRA!" they said in unison, and began firing. Kitty fazed out of harms way, and I grabbed Storm and pulled her down. I shot webs at the men, halting them.

"C'mon", I panted, "there'll be more."

"Why do they say 'Hail HYDRA?'", asked Storm.

I smiled under my mask. "Oh, did I forget to mention that HYDRA is a spin-off of the old Nazi Party?"

The sparks began again. "Racists!" she screamed.

Storm down the hall and Kitty ran after. I followed and found them fighting the last of the HYDRA men. Perfect. I ran toward the door of the "office".

******

Inside the room, I saw bodies lying around. As one of the Avengers, I had access to the S.H.I.E.L.D. network, so I recognized the faces. They were all HYDRA leaders. I looked in the middle of the room, and there she was. My Anti had certainly gotten stronger... and bigger. She towered over me at nine feet.

"You have evolved," she said, "but nevertheless, you will die. Let's finish this."

Peter Is So Dead

2006-07-31T17:51:00.000-07:00

D-E-A-D! I swear, as soon as he's back I'll, like, rip his head off! I mean, he should have totally seen that coming. I know he let it happen on purpose. But why? [pouts]

What does that blonde pig have that I don't? I've obviously got more fashion sense anyway... Why does she have to try and grab my husband? Is it cause Colossus won't wear tights? [giggle] Maybe I'll make Peter dance for me in his red and blue pajamas before I kill him.

Oh, speaking of guys in tights, Cyclops was totally hitting on me earlier. Ugh! And then there was Nightcrawler. EWWWWWW! And last, there was Gambit. HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Poor guy will never come out.

Anyways, I like, have to finish my makeup, cause Cyclops is gonna have a party tonight, while Ororo is gone. I'm starting to see why he doesn't like her. She was, so snobby around me.

Oh, great. Aunt May just came in to say that she will be at the party tonight so she can "keep an eye on us young people". Why does she do that? GAWD!! [stomps foot]

Oh well, at least she won't be coming with me tomorrow night. The other blonde here, Warbird, and I are gonna go out on the town. Look out Manchester, heeeeeeere's MJ!

Big Trouble

2006-07-30T18:40:00.000-07:00

There was a pretty hot discussion about who should go with me. It kinda went something like this:

Elixir: "I wanna go, that would be so cool!!"

Scott: "Sure, I don't see why not..."

Storm: "But I do. He's much too young."

Scott: "Hey, who's in charge here, young lady?"

Storm: "What did you call me?"

Scott: "I.."

"Scott, maybe she's right." I interrupted, eyeing Storm uneasily. He had his hand halfway to his visor, and she was about to set us all ablaze with lightning.

"And besides, I continued, this isn't worth killing each other over." I continued.

Scott put his hand back down, and Storm smiled at me. I thought, "She must be pretty nice you know, MJ seems to like her..."

She smirked at Scott, "You're rather disappointing, Cyclops. Even a man who goes running around in red and blue underwear has more sense than you."

"Okay, maybe not that nice."

Well if I had to suck up to anybody, it sure wasn't going to be Scott, so I turned to Storm and said, "So, who do you think is available."

She thought for a moment before responding, "I for one would like to go..."

"This could be good." I thought.

"and I think Kitty Pryde should also come"

"Cripes!"

I looked quickly over at MJ, "I don't know if..."

"Oh but you two know each other quite well, as I recall. There shouldn't be any trouble getting along." As she was saying this, Storm peeked over at Kitty. Why do the women always team up on us?

Kitty smiled, Storm smiled, MJ glared, Colossus turned his fist to metal (I'd forgotten about him and Kitty... great), and everybody else just looked at their plates. Now once in a while, the common-sense-fairy will come and smack me upside the head. This was not one of those times.

"I guess that's ok."

As I was preparing my things for the upcoming mission, MJ came in.

"Storm's okay," she said, "But I don't like that you're going with that Pryde skank. Like, gawd, she even dresses like one."

"In that line of thinking, so do Storm, Jean Grey, Sage, and..."

"But you were never with any of them!"

"And you know why I'm not with her any more. I love you, MJ. You know that."

I held her close. I got off lucky this time. Storm and Kitty were waiting for us at the X-jet. I said goodbye to MJ and Colossus who came to see us off, and walked up the ramp.

I stood, looking at them as the ramp lifted itself, when Kitty ran up and mashed her lips against mine. In shock, I twisted to see if MJ and Colossus had seen that. They had. I couldn't worry about it right then, but I knew there would be hell to pay when I got back.

Storm was the Pilot, Kitty the co-pilot, and I sat right behind them. I pretended I didn't see them grinning at each other.

"So Mr. Parker," said Storm, "where are we going?"

"I honestly don't know where my Anti is, so I thought I might ask someone. After I came back from the dead, I went to see Doctor Strange, and he told me to expect "a strong correctional force", meaning my Anti.

I had met her already, but my point is that he might be able to tell us where she is."

"To Doctor Strange's it is then."

Dinner With Friends (sort of)

2006-07-28T12:56:00.000-07:00

After a couple of hours of swinging around, familiarizing myself with the area, I finally made my way back to the X-mansion. Man, I could get used to living in a place like this.

I needed back-up for this business with my Anti (as I shall henceforth call her), so I went looking for Cyclops. The first person I ran into was Kitty Pryde. Now don't get me wrong, I like Kitty. She has a poster of me in her room, and we were even together once and well... that's the problem. She still thinks we're together, or something.

"Hey Spidey, do you like your room? Did you find your present?" She winked. Then she laughed, so I knew I must have turned red.

"Yeah, the picture album was a nice touch. I had to hide it before my wife found it."

"So that's why you went swinging off so quickly? Don't worry about Lorena Bobbit. By the way, do you think I should wear that costume on missions?"

I had to laugh. MJ does turn into Lorena Bobbit sometimes, though not literally, thank God.

"Only if you want Mags dropping dead of a heart attack. You know, the professor doesn't approve of murder."

She laughed like it was the funniest thing in the world.

"By the way," I inquired, "Where's Cyke-o? I need to ask him something, or is it true that the professor left him in charge?"

She rolled her eyes, "Yeah, but you would never know unless he reminded us fifty times every day. He's out on a date with Warbird right now, anyway."

Now that's amazing. I knew I'd have to wait until he got back, so I decided to make my request at breakfast the next day.

The next morning, the entire school staff got together for breakfast. Perfect time to take the plunge.

"I've been meaning to ask since yesterday, whether I could get any help finishing off my Anti. As much as it hurts my ego, I have to admit that I can't do it alone. I know you're already doing a lot, taking in MJ and my Aunt and all, but I thought it wouldn't hurt to ask."

Then I held my breath, waiting for the response.

I Hope They'll Be Okay

2006-07-21T17:52:00.000-07:00

MJ, Aunt May, and I walked up to the gate of the Xavier Institute. The secretary knew we were coming so as soon as we rang the bell, the gates started opening slowly. Scott Summers, however, was still disoriented after his business in the Astral Plane. We met him while walking down the main hall.

"Who are you?" he demanded, while lifting a hand to his visor.

"I'm Peter Par..." I started to say when Aunt May butted in.

"I'm May Parker, this is my nephew, Peter, and his wife, Mary Jane."

"Just, like, call me MJ." said my wife.

"Ummm, Aunt May..." I started again, but she just looked at me in annoyance, and then continued.

"Like I was about to say, Young Man, my Peter says that we were given permission to stay here while our apartment gets fixed after his most recent mistake. Where are our rooms?"

Cyclops stammered, "Uh, yeah, right, we'll take you to your rooms right away Ma'am. Of course, uhh, STORM?"

Ororo Munroe came down the stairs, scowling. "What is it?"

I finally got a word in edgewise, "Hi, I'm Peter Parker, I believe you said MJ and Aunt May could stay here?"

She brightened, "Of course, welcome. Would you like to see your rooms now? Or..."

"Excuse me," Cyclops interrupted, "I believe the professor left me in charge here, and..."

He suddenly stopped when he noticed that Storm, Aunt May, and MJ were all glaring at him with murder in their eyes. Shortly, Storm had Dr. Hank Mcoy helping Aunt May with her bags. Storm herself and MJ went off chattering about outfits and shoes.

Cyclops sat down and started crying, "Why doesn't anyone respect me? I was the first student here, and..."

"Ummm, are you okay, Scott?" I asked. He immediately stood up.

"Uh, yeh, I'm okay."

I tried to cheer him up. "Yeah, I know, Aunt May can be like that too. Hey, since your in charge and all, do you mind if I take a look around the place? I haven't been here in a while."

He gave me a personal tour, all the while trying to seem important. What a putz. After I met all the X-Men and other residents of the institute, I "said goodbye" to MJ and swung away from the place before Aunt May could give me another lecture.

Aunt May should be happy with plenty of people to give advice to, and MJ has all those girls around to shop with. What if the guys at the mansion start putting moves on MJ? Well let's see, the Professor has Magdalena, Logan has Shi, Beast has his lab, and Iceman was last seen with Mystique. That leaves guys like Cyclops, Nightcrawler, and Gambit.

Hehe, I'm not worried.

That Boy Is Going To Kill Himself

2006-07-18T13:20:00.000-07:00

And I believe I've said it more than once. It made me angry, I tell you, the first time Peter told me the truth. Letting that thief go, hmmph! But then to make matters worse, he didn't tell me till years later about his other personality. Young people and the nerve they have.

Then, to make matters worse, he refuses to stop running around in the most ridiculous costume ever trying to ba a hero. If my Ben knew about this... oh that's just the problem, Ben would approve, and Peter knows it. (Sigh)

Well, I still don't know why he had to fight Batman that one time...

And now look what he got us into! One moment I was dreaming about, well, never mind that... But the point is that Peter grabbed Mary Jane and I from our beds in the middle of the night, and jumped out of the building!

Well, that's over for now. We're in a nice hotel until Peter can take us to someplace he thinks is safe. Oh well, I might as well get some coffee from the lobby.

I wonder where peter is going to take us? The Avenger's mansion would be nice, and Captain America... now there's a true gentleman...

Well, here goes...

2006-07-18T12:17:00.000-07:00

Alright, here's the picture for my profile...

Antithesis

2006-07-12T20:32:00.000-07:00

A vampiric freak had eaten one of my eyes, smashed most of my bones, and I lay there, dying. MJ was with me, watching everything I was disappear. Succumbing both to a fatal disease, and the after effects of a fight with a once-dead enemy, I tried to tell her. I just wanted to say it...

But then he came again. Eyes glowing red, skin pale, undead, and unbreakable. He wanted to feed, he was meant to feed off my soul. I was ready for that. MJ tried to defend me, but he pushed her away easily.

"I'm here to consume your soul, but she will make a nice appetizer."

The spider took over. I threw myself at him, broke him. "It wasn't supposed to be this way!", he screamed. I didn't listen, it was his time to die, not mine. The spider had all over me. It fed. I fed.

Blackness.

Free. Free of the old skin. Free of the bindings. I wrapped us into a cocoon of webbing. We slept, we dreamt.

I saw him, the human. I couldn't help myself, he was the reason we were bound so long.

"You've been holding us back.", I told him, "If we want to survive, we must unite. We must accept what we are. Embrace me.

The human approached. We are one and the same.

Blackness

I felt it when I was out swinging around with MJ. My spider-sense went insane, and led me straight back to Stark's tower. All those doctors, were webbed to the walls, but still alive, thankfully.

I ran to the room that held... me. What was me. Then I saw her. My eyes told me that I was looking at a teeming mass of spiders, who had taken my old skin, and formed a new being. My mind said there was more.

Blackness

She was fast, but I thought, "Web slinging beats spider hopping any day."

She stopped, and we fought. She told me about the outrage in the other dimesnions.

I said, "What? You mean that there are two cosmic entities with nothing better to do than argue about whether my number is up?"

"That's just it, your number is up."

For the second time in my new existence, my stingers broke free.

"What's with this? Spiders don't have stingers!"

"They will. They evolve."

She left me with these words to chew on: evolve or die.

Blackness

It was late morning, and I thought, "Why hasn't the alarm gonne off already.

Perfect, I'm late. I looked for the clock. It was smashed. I got up and looked around for MJ and Aunt May.

"Hey MJ? Aunt May? You two awake already? Are you here?"

I walked into the kitchen, and there they were, all covered in spiders and glowering at me. She stepped in front of me.

"Evolve or die."

Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep...

I slammed my hand down on the alarm. I've never had nightmares since I came back, why tonight, of all nights? At least that's all it was. Time for another patrol.

Smash

The window in the kitchen caved in while I was making my coffee, and there she was. Great, and the nightmare's over already. This is real.

"Do you remeber what I told you?" she asked.

"Yeah, yeah, evolve or die. You'd get better popularity ratings if you came up with a more friendly slogan."

She lunged at me without another word. I dodged, and ran straght to Aunt May's room, then to mine. Between attacks from my antithesis, I managed to get the women out of the building, and we swung away to safety.

We had been on top of a randomly picked skyscraper for an hour before MJ recovered from the shock. She ran over to comfort Aunt May.

"Like, what was that, Tiger?"

"You don't want to know. It's some business I have to take care of, but first, I gotta take you both someplace safe."

I Get No Respect

2006-07-09T17:18:00.000-07:00

MJ was having one of her monthly "mood swings" again. As tough as my job is, I was glad for any excuse to be out of the house right then, though I didn't dare say that to MJ.

When I walked into work, Sally, the new receptioninst, was there to greet me. She's hot as... can't think about that. I swear, it's like MJ can read minds sometimes.

"Hey Pete!" she gushed, "How was your morning?"

"Fine thank you."

"Pete, I was wondering, I'm meeting a few friends at the Metro Cafe, and..."

"Sorry, I can't."

"Dinner?"

"Nope."

"What about..."

"I.."

Sally's a floozie who's done every guy at work except me, and, of course, Jonah Jameson. How he ever got married in the first place...? Speak of the devil.

"LEISHER!"

That was Jonah, calling Sally.

"Oh, right, HE'S HEEERE." She called back. Then she turned to me.

"Sorry about that, I forgot to mention that Jameson asked to see you as soon as you got in."

"Thanks, Sally." I couldn't help dripping some sarcasm there. She looked hurt. I guess that's a good thing, in a way.

I walked into my Boss's office.

"Parker, there's a hostage situation in the Bank Royale down on Fifth. I want pictures."

That's Jonah for you. No "Hello", or "How are you?", and certainly never "You deserve a raise for all the hell you go through to get these pictures." He's a case, and worse, a case with something against my alter ego.

The wisest course is to simply say, "Yes Sir."

I ran outside, changed my clothes in an alley, and swung over to Fifth Street. The entrance to the Bank Royale was packed with police cars. There's no warrant for me, but I've had overeager cops take shots, so I went around back. There were no doors or windows on the lower levels in the back, as a precautionary measure, but that's not a problem for me. I busted through an upper level window. I'm sure they can afford it.

It was all quiet at first, so I kept moving. The cops out front were trying to negotiate. Oddly enough, they had managed to secure the release of most of the hostages.

I decided to have a little fun. I took the elevator to the ground floor. I was hanging from the ceiling of the elevator when the doors opened. As expected they freaked when the doors opened. Good.

I looked quickly, and saw at least ten of them. Okay, bad. Then I saw the Rhino with them. Very Bad. At least their remaining hostages didn't seem to be in this part of the building.

Rhino shouted, "What are you doing? Shoot him!" I hopped out of the lift and jumped to the side in time to avoid a hail of bullets.

I decided to use my signature distraction: lame humour.

"That was actually pretty original there Rhino, been taking scripting lessons?" I jumped to dodge more bullets. A few more jumps and a few punches later, three of the ten "normal" thieves were unconscious. I kept up the patter as well.

"Hey, if you guys make it outta here, can you leave some for me? Kicking your asses doesn't pay well."

"You know what?" countered Rhino, "your humour is even more pathetic than usual." Then he charged at me. Avoiding yet more bullets, I sidestepped then jumped and kicked the back of his head. I grabbed onto the ceiling and went back toward the gunmen.

I had just knocked out four of them, and webbed the other three, when Rhino came back at me.

"Something's not right," I thought, "Rhino's usually stronger and faster than that... and much less intelligent." Truth be told, Rhino's a dumbass. One time he even ripped a line from Hulk and said "Rhino smash."

I decided to end it quickly. I saw a crack in "Rhino's" armour.

"He's definitely a fake!"

I popped out the forearm-stingers that I grew when I died and came back, and jammed one of them in the crack. I'm still not used to those things, but they're handy.

"ARRRGGHHH!!" Rhino was down. I looked around in the different rooms. The hostages had simply been tied up and left with no one to guard them. All the better. Most of them were fine. But one guy freaked when he saw me.

"You FREAK! Why do you guys have to mess with us ordinary people, huh?"

"Calm down, Sir, please." I tried to keep my own calm as I said this. "I'm here to help."

"Like s**t you are! If you come near..."

I shot a web at his mouth.

"If that's how you feel, Sir."

The police were gonna be inside in a moment anyway, as soon as they realised the scum were down.

I went back and got my camera, which I had left at the scene of the fight, and left the building.

I posed for some more shots, and took the film back to the Bugle. Jonah was happy... as far as that goes.

"Crap, as usual. You just can't get good pictures anymore. Here's your check, Parker."

Oh well, I went home and rested on the couch, 'cause MJ wouldn't let me into the room. Around 10:00 PM, I left the building for yet another night's patrol. I picked up the evening edition of the Bugle.

"Spider-Man Implicated in Hostage Situation"

Thanks Jonah.

Back from the Dead

2006-07-08T17:37:00.000-07:00

Ironically enough, my death was one of the best things to ever happen in my life. No, I'm not being pessimistic. Now I'm back with no scars on my body, plenty of holes in my memory, and a new outlook on the life I live.

MJ came up with the idea to document my experiences in a journal of some kind, so that's what this blog is all about. I hope you enjoy it.

Sincerely,

Spider-Man